Saturday, August 06, 2005
ok. just finished talking to dear. his phone low batt. so he saw call him later or tomorrow lo. was talk talking than suddenly i broached the subject of byran. asked about him and stuff. cause they lately talk bout some stuff ma. than i was just asking. turned out that day dear went byran house fix his laptop or something. than all the friends wre downstairs. only dear and him alone in the room. zzzzzz. but never mind la. than we continue talking. than dear say byram was asking bout us or something, asking if we got problems or what. than surprisingly byran told dear to slowly sort out problems with me. i was surprised when i heard that too. than we just keep talking la, than i ask got do anything or not. than dear suddenly change topic. and his tone....... led me to think something happened. i just got this gut feeling that they kissed. but not sure also. its just a gut feeling la. than i asked dear but he said nothing happened, even if have he would tell me. don;t know la. when i heard that i just felt... sad? or troubled? or confused? i really don't know. but i know for a relationship to work we must trust each other la. so i really hope dear is being truthful to me. i mean, since he say nothing happen i trust him la. just hope he's being truthful, i'd rather he be truthful than hide from me. i don't know la. feeling kinda troubled now, but don't know who to turn to. don't want to bother any of my friends. so came here to blog and let it all out. maybe i'm just thinking too much also. i should trust dear. yea, i trust dear. i believe he won't do anything. hmmm. ok, think i kinda let everything out already. feel slightly better. think i'll wait for dear to end work than call him la. see how la, if i can wait or not. maybe too tired or what. ok la, i'll end here. take care everyone who's reading my blog.
_______[[the key to a succesful relationship is to trust your partner.]]_______
well, went to bowl for the STBC competition today, what can i say? was late as usual. when i reached already they started on the first game already. its was the 4th frame. if 3rd frame i still can join, but too bad. was fucking pissed and feeling fucked up la. than second game i join. the lane was damn good la. ball can hook, everything very nice. backend strong, basically everything was nice la. but i guess wasn't in the mood to bowl. got turhey than went gutter. so overall average 112. but i not really complaining la. at keast they will give me high handicap, than next week just play normal game can get pretty high, around 16/17? with a 30pin handicap which i'm sure to get.
after bowling went down to kim seng to look at dear bowling. was feeling very sick and nose can't stop running. sore throat very bad too. but still went down support him. missed him alot. guess he was quite surprised to see me there la. cause think he was under the impression that i would go home after my competition. but pls ar dear, how can i not go down and support you? as your boyfriend i must be there for you when you need me what. its nothing really. after i went there, dear played a 19 game. whee~ haha. than we waited for the results, turned out he got 7th position, won $20. haha. not bad la, since he only paid 10 for the competition. haha. than after the competition we went to eat at mac with sushi. was feeling terrible but still ate mac. haha. dear paid for me. felt so bad spending his money. dear, i know you got to pay for your bills and stuff as well, its ok, you don't have to pay for me everytime we go out. i can understand and i can pay for myself. really. must take care of yourself also ok? don't neglect yourself. i just feel that everyday my feelings just grow stronger for you. i can't explain it cause although we quarrel i still love you alot. seriously speaking, i haven't thought of us breaking up, i just can't think of that happening now. and you just called me just as i was typing this. don't be late!!!! hahaha.
ok, so after eating we bought some food for anuty winnie and helmi, went back up to pass them the food. than dear went to play arcade. lols. he and sushi nothing better to do, go play that token machine where more tokens will come out. wasting money lo. haha. i really wasn't feeling well at that time so went to the daytona machine to rest awhile. than after they finish the arcade we went to see of got lane or not. in the end no lane, so decided to go victor's to bowl. than the stupid thing is we took cab all the way to victor's than realised got road block cause of the NDP thing. sickening lo. waste our time and money. so we ended up at marina square instead. went to the bowling alley. NO LANES! walao, so we put down our name than went to play para at the arcade. watched dear play la. than just slack around at the arcade. watching others play. wah, i down there feeling like shit lo. was so sick, like can die like that. but nevermind la. spend time with dear, than the alley finally got lanes, than we went to bowl. first game not bad, close all the way first few frames, fighting with dear the score. can see he damned shocked i suddenly play so well. dear, this is all thanks to you one lo. haha. you taught me so many things, improve my game so much. haha. love you so much. than things weregoing well than one frame i went gutter, than sian 1/2 already than take dear ball go throw, butter again. damn sian. than that game anyhow play already. ended up with 141. dear got 17 plus. haha. tha next game play got 130. okok la. actually think it sucks. could have gotten better. haha. than we decided to leave cause dear got work.
we went out, than walk to esplanade there. waited for cab. sushi went off first. thought he and dear taking together. end up they take different cab. haha. than i left. than i think dear got cab after i left than he went home. than on the way home was sms-ing dear. asked him not to pay for me everytime. i don't want to be a burden to him. i know he's not exceptionally rich or anything. he works damn bloody hard for the money he has now. so who am i to spend it? he works till like 3am almost everyday, by the time he goes home is around 330. bath finish around 4. than he sleep till he have school at 8 or 9. tha he has work at 7 at night again.he hardly has enough sleep lo. very worried for him. dear, you must really take care of yourself ok? i'll try my best to take care of you but i can't be by your side 24/7 also. pls don't neglect yourself ok?
read dear's blog than wanted to blog. cause i got lots of feelings when i read his blog. i know dear got alot of problems and he also got a very dark past in relationships. was husrt and all by gary and daniel. knew he had a very difficult road but didn't know it was so bad. now there's byran trying to get him back. i'm not really jealous of byran la. i know my dear loves me and i know he won't go back to byran. but i just want to be there to help him when he falls down. i want to be the shoulder always ready for him when he wants to cry. the sunshine after the dark storm. the person walking this dark lonely road with him and the light at the end of the tunnel. i so want to be there to support dear, to help him get over his past relationships and the wounds that he has sustained. i want to help him walk out of this dark past forever and not be haunted by it. but everytime i want to help i'm stumped and i don't know where to start. he doesn't really talk bout what problems he's facing and the pain that he is going through. how then am i supposed to help him? i know perhaps he doesn't want to talk about it because he doesn't want to worry me or because he doesn't want me to misunderstand. but dear, i really can understabd what you're going through. i won't misunderstand if you tell me. i just want to be there to help you. i don't want you to walk the lonely road alone. aloow me to walk it with you ok?
i think you and byran had a talk? was hocked when i read about that scenario he asked you to think of. i seriously have not thought of it. if we really break i'll definately still see you around since we're both bowlers. what than would happen? i really can't bear to think of that scenario. i'm sorry dear that i can't be with you at times, but you know i still really care about you. i know now your heart is really in a mess, you don't really know where to go. but i know that i want to stay together with you. its alright if you need some time to think things through. but whenever you need me i'll always be standing here waiting for you. i'm serious, not joking. and i really hope that infront of me you won't pretend to be happy and stuff. i really don't want that to happen. if you don't feel comforatble in front of your friends than its ok. but i really want to try to help you. and if you pretend infront of me i really don't know what to do. don't worry about giving me more trouble. when i went into this relationship i already told myself that i will stand by you no matter what happens. even if we were to break one day, i'll still be there for you as a friend. so please don't worry about you giving me more trouble cause its no trouble at all. i should help you tide through this difficult period together since i'm your boyfriend.
ok. think i shall end here. take good care dear, don;t stress yourself out too much ok? your health is important to me and so is your well being. love you alot dear.
_______*[[if ever you feel like crying, just tell me. i'll be the shoulder for you when you cry. don't ever bottle evrything up inside of you. you'll feel terrible and so will i. i promise i'll be there whenever you need me.]]*_______
and thanks alot byran, if you ever read this. thanks for being there to comfort my dear when i couldn't. thanks alot.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
changed my blog song. finally there's music on my blog after such a long time with a sound-less blog. haha. hope you like it. lols. =D
