Sunday, February 27, 2005
the past few days have been just a blur. i feel as if im just doing things for the sake of dong it. feeling very down now. lots of factors contributing to it. like JG.. ZH.. and my decision.
was it the right one? words cant really express the feelings im having now. its not the vacuum im feeling now. its just this mixture of emotions. i used to tell myelf that those people who fell in depression are fools. they let something small affect their lives. how wrong i think i was then. i think im falling into depression. and its scaring me. im not exactly a sad, melancholic sort of person. and my sad spells never last for more than a week. mostly only days. but these has been going on for.. 3 weeks? maybe more. i dunno.
i still remember telling my friends to cheer up. that at least they have someone there to talk to them. and that the world has not ended. its not that i feel the world has ended. things are not that bad yet. but its just that i feel so much worse and horrible than before. i know im sounding like some whiny pampered bastard. but when my friends had someone there for them. who do i have now? where they see light at the end of the tunnel. i see only darkness and fog. i cant really blame myself too i guess. i hardly disclose my problems to anyone. people see me as the happy-go-lucky chap in class who laughs his worries away. but everyone has problems and some problems are too serious to be laughed off.
im not whinign for anyone to come comfprt me now after they have read this blog entry. i will get it through by myself. perhaps i just need a portal to release all these negative energy and feelings. and this is where my blog comes in handy. im alrady feeling better already. and i love this song wo ye hen xiang ta by sun yan zi. means alot.
