Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Who wants to sign up for the Ezyhealth Asianic Inline Cup 2009 with me? Its the very first, inaugural competitive night skate event in Singapore! Let me know soon because I'm really excited about this and I would love to join!
Click on the link for more details.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Played mahjong and lost $20, and that's not counting the $25 that I didn't pay Joanna cause she owes me. After that i went for driving which was cool cause he let me drive all the way to Punggol and around the area. Got to see a little of the setting sun at Punggol beach and i drived past Joanna's AhYi's crib. I was lucky cause I didn't meet any mean drivers; the kind who will purposely make things difficult for learner drivers. So next time when I get my license (which will be soon), I'll be nice to learner drivers too!
Joanna and I were talking about internships (again). She said something I refuse to believe in, I don't think I need anymore dissapointment. But I'd feel so terribly bad if that were to happen. I really hope it wouldn't. I mean, sounds silly, but I don't know how I would face you. TBH, I'll rather we go through something shitty together. Anyway did this cause 'twas interesting. I'm not surprised at the results.
| What is your True Fear? Your Result: Losing Someone You love affection and the people in your life more than anything. Your greatest fear is that one day someone you care about won't be there anymore. You are a very friendly and inviting person, who draws in a lot of friendships with your kind, considerate, and loyal nature. However, deep down you are slightly insecure and unsure of yourself. You couldn't deal with it if you didn't have one of your loved ones in your life anymore. You don't have too much to worry about though, because with a friend like you, no one will want to lose you either! |
| Being Alone | |
| Disappointment | |
| Death | |
| Where Your life is Going | |
| Looked down on | |
| Commitment | |
http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_is_your_true_fear">What is your True Fear?
http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz |
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Hmmm, I just got wind that our SIP results will be made known the week before 16th March, which is also my birthday week. Happy Birthday?
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Exams are finally over! The papers were... so-so. I've lost whatever vestiges of drive I've had from Year 1, so we'll see how this main exam goes. Truth be told, I know I myself have not put in much effort. Not to mention I was ill for Secsur and Airport Systems 2.
I think I may know the reason why I don't really give a damn about school anymore. But I think to attribute it solely to that reason would be really immature. I guess, no matter what, the control lies in my hands. But I won't pretend it didn't affect me. I'm beginning to wonder if some people really do need affirmation. Is it really that amusing to do it over and over again? Call me bias but I'm starting to see the signs all over, and its disturbing. How good really is the situation we're in now? I only hope you never end up on the other side of the playing field; because no one is gonna give a damn about the reserve team. People only look at winners, no one bothers about the loser, even if he's got a damn fine reason.
At the very least I know how I want to spend my one month before leaving for China. Finally going to pursue my driving again. I've stopped since god knows when and I think its time to take it up again, before my theories expire by the end of the year. Oh and I've decided to increase my physical fitness level. Army is about a year or so from now and I don't want to have problems with the physical stuff, at the very least. So any running khakis? Route will be around my area, preferably at night where its cooler. I'm very sick of funning like a hamster on the bloody treadmill. Mahjong is highly needed as well. I need my respite.
For now, I shall turn to dota. C'est ça! Au revoir!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Decided to blog again.
First 2 papers have come and gone and what can I say about it? Just really horrible, compared to my previous semesters. I think I've really been cutting myself just WAY too much slack. So much so that my grades have been on a downward spiral since 1.1. To think when i just entered poly, I did contemplate aiming to make the D List or something. What a joke now seriously. I don't think its something beyond my capabilities, but it is a little too late now isn't it? And I'm just way too darned lazy. Well, at the very least I've the weekend to prepare well for the last 2 papers. I think i really will kill myself if i flunk them. How do you put it... they're dead giveaways, albeit still content-intensive.
Apart from academics, the thing that's really lingering on my mind is internships. I know its ironic, especially since I was the one who decided not to worry about them. Its nothing within my control anyway. But what I think really tipped the scales was when I was told by WB about the "bad news". Seriously, i just think it was a bad time; I was fresh out of a paper I wasn't all that confident of. And i can put myself into your shoes, some matters really have to be kept confidential, but why can't you let them stay that way? Don't come telling me there's bad news and then tell me you can't tell me what the bad news is. I know your intention wasn't to mock us, but that's only because I think I know you as a person. I'd probably think I was being mocked at if it were anybody else. So, let me apologise for my foul reaction, but I don't think its was all my fault. Its just something that matters to us, even if we don't show it. But then again, I think my worse fears are confirmed. I don't expect to be given any of my choices for internship, and I'm not gonna point fingers anymore. I'm ready, but it'll probably still sting.
Family isn't doing too good either. If ou don't know what happened, well, I don't go around giving everyone a detail-by-detail account of my life. To cut the long story short, Joshua was over at my place when my Dad commented "Your friend no home meh? Must everytime come here stay..." Or something around that line. My god, how did you expect me to react to that? I can't rage against him, he's still my father no matter what. But you can't expect me to not do anything about Joshua too right? Seriously, I think that was one of the worst situations I have ever been in. Seeing that wretched look on Joshua's face was unbearable. But i felt so helpless as well. I guess now the matter's blown over. Talked with J countless times, and i guess its something good. What makes me feel worse is the discrepancy in treatment we get when we go to each others' place. His family had been extremely hospitable and friendly towards me. While my Dad has been, well, I don't know what to say.
Ever since then, its been a very weird feeling whenever he's around. I hardly talk to him, and I know he feels it too. I don't know lah, has anyone bee in a similar situation? I don't know what to do. It isn't as if I have a close relationship with my Dad and he just has to go around shooting off his mouth like nobody's business. I know if he sees this he'll probably say its his house and he's the King. But seriously, sometimes we just don't give a damn.
I won't deny you've been a really responsible father, husband and family man. Family probably ranks first in your heart, and I know you slog your guts out for the family. But to be a good Dad requires more than just putting food and money on the table. I hardly talked to you when I was a kid, we never bonded and the habit followed into adolescenthood. I know its hard on you, especially when I think you've got so many things to share with me, just like I have with you. But its come to a point where I really find it difficult to talk to you about thing's close to my heart. Surprisingly, its always been something I can only do with Mum. I know you love me, but knowing isn't enough, evidently. I understand the reasons behind your actions, yet I still do not think they warrant the attitude you've given my friend. And its not only this incident, there have been countless times I've witnessed you and Dom quarreling. He's hurt you, but what you've told him probably hurt equally hard too.
Like I've reiterated countless times, I don't expect anyone to understand the experiences I go through, even from gay people. Its the endless searching, endless questioning, and the endless need to be better than others, just to prove your point. I'm happy where I currently am, there's no doubt about that and its not a veneer I put on in front of others. But seriously if anyone was given the chance to, noone would choose the path less trodden. Don't get me wrong. I am definitely not pitying the position I'm in. I thin what I've experienced has helped open my eyes to experiences some people will be oblivious to their whole lives. And whatever the future outcome, I will never resent this period of my life, for it has helped mould the Daryl you guys all know (and have come to love. or will come to. hahaha.) What I am thankful for, are friends who listen. Joanna was right. Sometimes you don't need people to solve your problems, you just need someone who listens, and I've got those good friends.
So Dad, I'm sorry if I've disappointed you in more ways than just this. But I just don't agree with you that sexuality is majorly a choice. And it definitely is not a mental illness, as you've aptly put it. I don't blame you, really. In fact, all this coolness aches badly, deep inside, for I know that at the end of the day, I still love you. I don't think that I can ever be someone who can turn his back on his parents. I detest such people and I don't respect them. After all your parents have given you, if you can turn around and walk away, you don't deserve the life you've been given.
I may still stay on this path, but I'm always thinking of it....
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
well, today was the first day of school. what horrid timing right? i was actually quite okay with school, cause i would get to meet my friends again, so nevermind about the holiday/festive season. BUT, as always, being around joanna and her constant blabbering about how horrid the timing is for school, i have started to find it a real drag having to, well, drag myself to school everyday now when others are enjoying their holidays. sigh.
so we headed to school today, and something realy ridiculous happened enroute to TP. i was on 23 with joanna and we were about to head up the highway when the bus suddenly stopped for a period of time. i was starting to wonder what had happened when the bus driver came up the steps and started looking around. then he headed to the back to this poly student and this transpired.
bus uncle: boy where you going? you pay $1 only right?
student: *something very soft that i couldnt hear*
bus uncle (in a louder voice): go temasek not only $1! poly student already, no student fare! come down and pay $1.60 more.
by this time the whole upper deck was gawking like nobody's business already. but the uncle proceeded to humiliate the poor boy by waiting for him and beckoning. i felt so indignant for the poor boy. alright, granted he did under-pay his fare, according to SBS Transit's guidelines, but was it really necessary to humiliate him in public? i'm very sure he would have obliged to pay his correct fare even if the driver had spoken to him in a more civilised tone. sometimes i wonder if such people have an ego problem. maybe they need to periodically put people down to feel good about themselves. its so sickening to watch.
so anyway, we headed to school wayyyyyyy earlier than the time school starts so that we could finish busfund project. ours was extremely brief and concise. and its my most last-minute work, ever! now that's saying something. i just hope we'll do well enough to get an A. and i did get my first A today for business fundamentals. heh. i expected nothing less, but i think i should not have made that many careless mistakes.
tomorrow's security and surveillance. i hope i don't get a really horrid grade...
Saturday, December 27, 2008
im at home now waiting for mahjong to start in about.... 4 hours? joshua's sleeping beside me so i've got nothing to do. was so sick of playing geochallenge already because my brain is dead now so i decided to take a break and blog.
last night was spent with joshua. i met him in town to check out the course he's interested in. some make-up course. it costs roughly 4k! which is kinda expected considering its a private school. so we enquired a little about the course before joshua took the brchures for further consideration. so when we left, we started to walk towards lido. and i guess we had a really good chat. i started talkig to him about myself, like an analysis of my behaviour and sort of explaining why i was gonna play mahjong. (we had originally planned for him to stayover) i know its ultimately a choice i made, but like i said, it doen't mean that the guy making the choice is always having it easier. its a warped analogy and i don't expect anyone to understand it because, well, i think weirdly sometimes. to me, its like the lesser of two evils.
i know cancelling out on him is something he really hates, he's such an organised person, someone drastically different from me. so what made it worse for me was knowing full well i'm doing something he dislikes, but still going ahead with it. in joshua's own words, "its a hopeless case" well, the saving grace was that i think joshua and i can realy connect. its like something that feels so tangible and real. romantic yet not unrealistic. we have our sweet moments, but we don't let it get us carried away. and the thing i really like about being with joshua is that we can talk. talk as in communicate. the similarity we both have is that we don't like to drag things through the mud. maybe he's more persistent than me, but the main point is we can communicate, which to me forms the basis of a relationship.
i'm glad that even though last night's chat ranged from solemn to cheerful, i managed to get what i wanted to convey off my chest. and joshua, i know you'll be reading this, i'm glad you've been this understanding thus far. i know everyone has a limit, and i don't wanna test yours. i feel the need to tell you once more that what i said last night didn't exactly come out the way i meant. i'm usually articulate, i think, but somehow my brain fuzzed up yesterday, so you're not someone unimportant, but someone whose importance grows with the time we spend together. and in retrospect, i think i'm a very very very lucky person. lucky because i have true friends who are mirrors and who let me see the imperfections i'm born with.
i've been through this many times with joanna and jia-hao, and i'm glad that its made our friendships even stronger. jia-hao thought me to balance my friends, joanna taught me the awareness of time (HAHA) and basically how to be more situationally aware. and i'm thankful for all that. i'm changing not because i feel the pressure from the people around me. i make a concerted effort to change because i do not want to hurt the people around me who care for me and who i care for.
so thanks joshua, for teaching me how to make decisions. i can assure you it will come in handy. like i said, his just started, we have no idea how far it'll go, but i'm brimming with confidence. i await the day i'll get my answer.
